Wednesday, December 16, 2009



Tuesday, September 1, 2009

hey guys

HEYYA! i been gone fora minute. Life has been CRAZY as fuck! a quick update for you guys is that me and joe into our first fight. the story is like this, i was being a fucking idiot and start talking to HMLF on the phone and we were having texting freenzys we hadnt hung out or anything. just talking. HLF was pressuring me about hanging out, but i kept changing the subject. so one night i was hanging out late with joe and we just got finished making love and what do you know? my eFIN phone rang. it was about 2 in the morining so you know joseph was buggin. "are you gonna see who that is" me: "NO" (of coarse i was already knowing) "what if its your mom?" so i check it. turn my back to him (dumb as shit) that rose suspicion. "why you trying to hide" "im not" then a shit load of questions tagged along with the one i dreaded "who was that" my dumb ass answered to slow when i said "my mom" he gave me a fucked up look and said "aren't you gonna call her back" shit shit fuck fuck damn damn FUUUUUUUUUCK! when i said No. he said "that wasnt yo mutha fuckin mother!" "yes it was" "let me see" "okay it wasnt" "who was it?" i told him. all hell broke loose. he got up and start putting on his clothes (i was suppose to stay over) i said "what are you doing?" "get yo shit" well at least he was taking me home, unlike HLF which left me stranded. this was 2 am however.

fastforward. he stopped talking to me all together ignoring my calls for 3 days. i was sick as hell. those 3 days let me kno how my ass really felt about joesph. i swore i'd never fuck up again.
so after a thousand missed calls, a hundred VM, 50 texts 25 emails.......... he finally sent me an email saying he didnt want to call me because he wanted to talk face to face.

we talked and i was so happy he forgave me. i start crying. that shit shocked ME. of coarse i cried alone, but in no way was i trying to cry in front of him i HATE showing weakness!

so after he forgave me, we was still tripping, we didnt talk on the phone that night. i knew i had to make it up for my baby.

so i used the money i was saving. got a room pulled out the sexy panies and draws. and told him here to meet me. ii put i DOWN. ii got the same room we had when we made our relationship official . set it up the same with the candles.

i think that was the best love i ever made. i wanted to please him only but he loves eating me. its a treat to him. so after i sucked the shit out MY dick, he begged to return the favor. you know ii couldnt turn him down but once. and ii had multiple orgasm. that shit was delicious!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we fell out and in the middle of the night i felt him grinding on my butt, of coarse he was sleep. but i start grind my ass back on his dick. he was hard and sleep. i was wet and horny. and half sleep. i reached back and put it in. and he started to work. he was sleep until i heard him start to moan. and we got it on again.

the memories replay over and over and over.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

tagged!! twitter trend topic:

thanks you guys. i needed your energy to pull me back in. ii talked to HLF last night and was very forward when i told him ii wasn't interested in him romantically anymore. He asked if ii was still messing with Joseph and ii was up front and told him yes. to my surprise he did not get mad. we even talked for a little while longer. the thing about this is, ii think he's only trying to be cool to minipulate me into getting back. it seems like he's making me think he is cool and okay with being friends and he thinks he's going to win me over. iim smarter this time. and thanks to you guys comments im not even trying to give him another chance. ii wont say never. as of now, NOT!

so I have been tagged to give 10 famous excuses: no limits, any excuse. tag 10 people to give 10 excuses.

#famousexcuses this isn't a hickey!....I got punched in the neck! (LMAOOO)

#famousexcuses i Nah i aint never went through your phone and read you texts

#famousexcuses I don't got no service so txt me

#famousexcuses shorty is ugly i would never fck anything like that

#famousexcuses im allergic to condoms.....smh

#famousexcuses I've been really busy....Really? why are you online tweeting... lol

#famousexcuses Ima pull out....negative! Wrap it up

only did seven and i only tagged 7 so do it everyone!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

help me.

so im in a fucking delima!!!!!!!!!! well let me catch you guys up.

so HLF was calling me of the chainz for the past few weeks. so the first time he finally called he wanted to curse me out some more. yell some more like i gave a flying fuck. if i was still interested in him like that, ii would have cursed back & dealt with listening to him. however; im not that chick anymore. im so over that shit. so the first night he called me, i listened to what he had to say, well YELL. he was basically saying sum shit like, how ii get mad at him knowing i fucked ole boy. saying he was feeling bad while ii was hoeing around. WTF? shut up asshole. so i told him "im hanging up now" & ii did just that. he called me back a second later talking that shit. cursing me out for hanging up. ii warned him AGAIN that ii was hanging up. & ii did. he called me again. ii was smart enough to press ignore. so that fucker called me again and again until i turned my phone off.

he waited two days later & called me again. ii didnt answer that shit. he called back the next morning. only because he left a message that night saying he just wanted to have a civil conversation. "how are you" is what he started the conversation with LMAO! ii was thinkin WTF? ii said a pretty solemn "fine" then he asked me about my plans for the day. WTF!!!!!!! ii did not want to be cool with this dickhead. granted ii still loved him. but the way ii get over some dirty ass shit like this is NOT be friendly. it would be easy for me to fall back in. ii still liked him too much to think we could be cool. ii said something without saying anything really. im not trying to let this bitch know my plans. so he sensed it in my tone and asked if i wanted to talk about the situation. my mean ass said "thats the point of you calling" usually he would get mad off a smart comment. he didnt. he was really wanting to be cool. well damn! to make a long story short he asked if we could work on fixing on our relationship and move past this. ii told him i wasnt ready. he didnt like my answer and start asking about joseph. we end up getting into a yelling and cursing match and he hung up in my face. round and round we go.

all the while i been living it up with joseph. so all HLF negetivity wasnt effecting this bitch in the least. ii havent told joe about him calling. ii didnt plan to either!

o yea. i forgot to tell ya'll i was hanging out with the BFF and her lil sis. her lil sis fergie told us that kim (the girl HLF cheated on me with) told her that she went to his house, he cooked for her and they watched a movie. and had sex. ya'll i fuckin balled. that shit hurt like a two ton brick on my heart. whats with these mixed up ass emotions. i felt like i was being selfish when im doing the same thing. i had already been with joseph. talked to him everyday. so WTF are these feelings still strong.

so i let my friends talk me into calling kim. ii called her ass and cussed her the fuck out. told her where ii was at if she wanted to handle it. only reason im mad at that skank is because she knew that ii was with HLF. she knew that shit & still pursued him. that bitch wasnt saying shit on the phone while ii was cussing her out. ii called her all kinds of bitches and hoes!! told her if i hear she's been with HLF again i will fuck her upt......fucking skank! if ii catch her in the street........... no ii wont. im working on myself. im passed it. ii still cant believe she didnt hang up or get with me! lol. all she said was "are you finished?" lmao!! i said "no bitch" and kept going. then i hung up on her. and soon after, ii felt bad. as me and joe talked, i learned he doesnt like girls that are hot heads (me) LMAO. ii dont like that type of behavior either. so im not even gonna worry about her. i dont know why ii let them hype me up to even call. all it does is prove ii still like HLF cause he text me a couple minutes after i hung up with her. "why the hell you in my business" & "dont call kim no more" i was steamed and start crying once more.

well let me think.....what else has been happening????????????? nuthin just a few more yummy nights ( and days ) with joseph. ill save that for another blog.

so since we pretty much caught up, til now. you guys are going to kill me!!!!!
HLF called me last night. ii answered and he was basically begging for me back. ok, he wasnt begging but he was doing a lot for the type of guy he he is. he doesnt give up his feelings or talk about emotions too much. he told me he missed me. and he never thought he loved me this much. iit took me going away for him to realize it. we talked for 4 hours about everything. we even laughed. im afraid to tell you guys but joseph called while we were on the phone, but i didnt click over. i know, i know. iim being stupid. this is the hardest fuckin shit! he even ended the coversation with "i love you" and he said if ill have him back he wants it to be right. boyfriend and girlfrind. thats how he was able to loose focous on our relationship and be with that skank. he said he didnt feel comminted to me. so he wants to commit. how is it that the pain he caused is not sticking with me? how is it that after one good conversation on the phone ii forgot about everything we've been through and all the good times with joseph. ii keep crying because i dont know what to do! how can ii be strong? please help me. ii need advise like forreals.

i didnt say yes or no. ii told him ii need to think about everything. guys, he even told me he cried. ii said YEA THE FUCK RIGHT! but he said he did, just because he dont show his emotions to me doesnt mean he dont have them. is that a load of shit?? should ii believe that? he apologized a few times and ii did too. im crying as im typing this blog because i really have no clue on how ii should handle this. the easiest thing is to let him go cause ii have a reason. ii dont have a good logical reason to let joseph go. FUCK! i hate everything! my life sucks.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

joseph asked me for my blogg address!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he is currently on the phone reading my last update!
he cussed me out (jokingly) for two reason.
"why the hell u put my name on there and _______ gets to remain a secret"
POINT! but, my slick ass said my blog is real and iim really into YOU so you get a real name
HLF gets no LOVE, not even a fuckin name. pppphhhwaahahhaha
(real talk, jo3. HEY BOOSKIE)
and second reason is cause he said his mom is NOT jamacian and white! LOL! shit. ii thoughts thats what the fuck he said. my ass was half sleep! witcha half breed ass! just incase he refreshes momz is jamacian and dad is white. fuck me twice!

Friday, August 7, 2009

on the phone with the booskie.
im falling fast && O so fast
i'll be smart ya'll. he just says all the right shit
maybe O maybe, im just on the rebound.
im more opened than usual.
shit! what the fuck.
i'll catch u guys up. i need to stay on top of my shit
cause im falling with my blog and shit
my diary is some weeks behind.
joseph and i are already together if you havent noticed.
he keeps telling me to get the fuck off the phone.
he just said im not giving him all the attention.

oh ii really have to tell you all about HLF and his manipulative ways


masturbation can do great damage to you sexually. Your sexual stimulation and pleasure can become tied to certain images that aren't reality, that only exist in your head. Your future sex life within your marriage, could suffer.


what the hell type of shit is that?? what the hell you trying to say? if i masturbate too much, when ii finally get get some from a person all ima think about is my hand? get outtttta heeere! shit, the images in my head is of the man ima have sex with! so im fuckin with the images in my head of the mutherfucker im fuckin! LMAO!

i think its just the OPPOSITE! the more i masterbate. the more i know me. the more i teach him. the BETTER our marrige will BE!!!!!