Sunday, August 16, 2009

help me.

so im in a fucking delima!!!!!!!!!! well let me catch you guys up.

so HLF was calling me of the chainz for the past few weeks. so the first time he finally called he wanted to curse me out some more. yell some more like i gave a flying fuck. if i was still interested in him like that, ii would have cursed back & dealt with listening to him. however; im not that chick anymore. im so over that shit. so the first night he called me, i listened to what he had to say, well YELL. he was basically saying sum shit like, how ii get mad at him knowing i fucked ole boy. saying he was feeling bad while ii was hoeing around. WTF? shut up asshole. so i told him "im hanging up now" & ii did just that. he called me back a second later talking that shit. cursing me out for hanging up. ii warned him AGAIN that ii was hanging up. & ii did. he called me again. ii was smart enough to press ignore. so that fucker called me again and again until i turned my phone off.

he waited two days later & called me again. ii didnt answer that shit. he called back the next morning. only because he left a message that night saying he just wanted to have a civil conversation. "how are you" is what he started the conversation with LMAO! ii was thinkin WTF? ii said a pretty solemn "fine" then he asked me about my plans for the day. WTF!!!!!!! ii did not want to be cool with this dickhead. granted ii still loved him. but the way ii get over some dirty ass shit like this is NOT be friendly. it would be easy for me to fall back in. ii still liked him too much to think we could be cool. ii said something without saying anything really. im not trying to let this bitch know my plans. so he sensed it in my tone and asked if i wanted to talk about the situation. my mean ass said "thats the point of you calling" usually he would get mad off a smart comment. he didnt. he was really wanting to be cool. well damn! to make a long story short he asked if we could work on fixing on our relationship and move past this. ii told him i wasnt ready. he didnt like my answer and start asking about joseph. we end up getting into a yelling and cursing match and he hung up in my face. round and round we go.

all the while i been living it up with joseph. so all HLF negetivity wasnt effecting this bitch in the least. ii havent told joe about him calling. ii didnt plan to either!

o yea. i forgot to tell ya'll i was hanging out with the BFF and her lil sis. her lil sis fergie told us that kim (the girl HLF cheated on me with) told her that she went to his house, he cooked for her and they watched a movie. and had sex. ya'll i fuckin balled. that shit hurt like a two ton brick on my heart. whats with these mixed up ass emotions. i felt like i was being selfish when im doing the same thing. i had already been with joseph. talked to him everyday. so WTF are these feelings still strong.

so i let my friends talk me into calling kim. ii called her ass and cussed her the fuck out. told her where ii was at if she wanted to handle it. only reason im mad at that skank is because she knew that ii was with HLF. she knew that shit & still pursued him. that bitch wasnt saying shit on the phone while ii was cussing her out. ii called her all kinds of bitches and hoes!! told her if i hear she's been with HLF again i will fuck her upt......fucking skank! if ii catch her in the street........... no ii wont. im working on myself. im passed it. ii still cant believe she didnt hang up or get with me! lol. all she said was "are you finished?" lmao!! i said "no bitch" and kept going. then i hung up on her. and soon after, ii felt bad. as me and joe talked, i learned he doesnt like girls that are hot heads (me) LMAO. ii dont like that type of behavior either. so im not even gonna worry about her. i dont know why ii let them hype me up to even call. all it does is prove ii still like HLF cause he text me a couple minutes after i hung up with her. "why the hell you in my business" & "dont call kim no more" i was steamed and start crying once more.

well let me think.....what else has been happening????????????? nuthin just a few more yummy nights ( and days ) with joseph. ill save that for another blog.

so since we pretty much caught up, til now. you guys are going to kill me!!!!!
HLF called me last night. ii answered and he was basically begging for me back. ok, he wasnt begging but he was doing a lot for the type of guy he he is. he doesnt give up his feelings or talk about emotions too much. he told me he missed me. and he never thought he loved me this much. iit took me going away for him to realize it. we talked for 4 hours about everything. we even laughed. im afraid to tell you guys but joseph called while we were on the phone, but i didnt click over. i know, i know. iim being stupid. this is the hardest fuckin shit! he even ended the coversation with "i love you" and he said if ill have him back he wants it to be right. boyfriend and girlfrind. thats how he was able to loose focous on our relationship and be with that skank. he said he didnt feel comminted to me. so he wants to commit. how is it that the pain he caused is not sticking with me? how is it that after one good conversation on the phone ii forgot about everything we've been through and all the good times with joseph. ii keep crying because i dont know what to do! how can ii be strong? please help me. ii need advise like forreals.

i didnt say yes or no. ii told him ii need to think about everything. guys, he even told me he cried. ii said YEA THE FUCK RIGHT! but he said he did, just because he dont show his emotions to me doesnt mean he dont have them. is that a load of shit?? should ii believe that? he apologized a few times and ii did too. im crying as im typing this blog because i really have no clue on how ii should handle this. the easiest thing is to let him go cause ii have a reason. ii dont have a good logical reason to let joseph go. FUCK! i hate everything! my life sucks.


  1. its nice HLF apologizedd an all.
    buhh i dont think you should go bakk to him.
    you have joeseph an he obviously keepin yu smilinq an you have a good time wit him an he dont seem like he will do you wrong like HLF. i just dont think you should go back to him. yall should just be friends. for now. i just dont think you should leave a good thing cause yu dont really have a good reason...

    buhh thats just me. your life doesnt suckk hun. everything will be cool ma,

    -- NYC

  2. I feel like HLF is apologetic and wanting you back because you're showing that you're not interested at all, and you've moved on to someone who treats you better.
    I understand that Kim knew about you and him and still pursued, but he went after her as well. So please girl, don't call her threatening to fight, you're above that. They both are no good for your life. If Joseph makes you happier, stay with that. You said yourself you have no reason to want to leave him..keep reminding yourself of that. And don't be afraid to sit down with him and talk it all out, he seems to be a very understanding man. Keep your head up love!

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  4. so i agree with the ladies above. life is too short not to be happy and if joseph keeps that smile on your face, why go back to the drama known as HLF. That fact that y'all was just kicking should have been reason enough to leave Kim alone, considering there was a strong possibility of y'all being more that "friends". So i think you should just remain cordial with HLF. Without the relationship of course. If he didn't have enough respect to leave her alone while y'all in the talking stage, I don't think he deserves YOUR commiment. Those are my thoughts.
    Good luck hun!!!! C=

  5. STAY FOCUSED. DONT BREAK! constantly remember what he did to you! the names he's called you! of coarse he apologized, but if he gets mad at you once more, you will be called the same names and deal with the same yelling and verbal abuse that you are too beautiful for.

  6. I agree with everybody...
    Old things come back to fuck up your good things! It was wonderful that he apologized and said his feelings, but it's too late for him. You have Joe, that treats you RIGHT! You don't want to go back to HLF & he cheats again... Joe might not want you back because you left him clueless... think about it!

  7. I'm gonna tell you the real. The power is in your hands to do what you feel is right. I've given 2nd, 3rd, and 4th fucking chances, so I'm not the one who's going to say RUN!

    Now, given the chance to do it all over again, I would never have given that 2nd chance...bcz then I wouldn't have been hurt that 3rd and 4th time.

    There was one I let go without giving him that 2nd chance, and guess what, he fucked up on his next love, too! I was so glad it wasn't me. But as I said, I went on to give more chances than anyone is worth to the next guy, the one I thought could replace dude who only got 1 chance.

    Oh well.

    Know this, you are worthy of committed love--you just have to decide whether you are strong enuf just in case it turns out he did not merit that 2nd chance, babe.

    Katlynne LaSalle
    aka ms downlow

  8. Honestly, Phuck What Everyone else is saying......People come in and out your life for a reason, and some only for a season, They teach you what you need to learn for later on in life. Sometimes that lesson is a painful one (thrust i know).....But it has its purpose....You Live and You learn....If HLF is for you, hes for you, If ya'll don't get back now, but it's Gods will for you to be with him, You'll get back........Just live life Hun, day by day.........BONG!!!!

  9. Hey Tori,

    I can't believe I missed this.

    You are a young woman. You don't need to go backwards ever! You are supposed to always move foward in your life.

    You don't need any of us to tell you what to do. You want us to support you in your decision, but we can say don't do this and don't do that, but at the end of the day the decision is all yours. If you go back to him you will be making a big mistake.

    He disrespected you.
    He messed with this other woman right in your face.
    He made you feel like an idiot when you approached him-acting like he didn't do a thing.

    Now after all this time he wants to beg?

    Oh please. Hes a wanna be player.
    You need to realize for yourself that you deserve the best.

    If you go back- he will do it again.

    Been there...done that... move on!